I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
