i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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