I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
