He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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