Can i not drive my cunt home
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
