I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
