The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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