CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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