I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
