apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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