Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
