if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this just has baby written all over it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
