I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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