you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
