Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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