Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
