my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
