roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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