So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
