I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
