How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
