You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I sprained my soul last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
