farters have to be the big spoon...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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