Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
