Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
