Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
