proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Shame - the story of my life.
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