to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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