I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
