Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
