did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
