you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
