the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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