My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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