i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
