Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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