how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just had sex on a roof
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
