they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
