we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
