if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
