oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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