I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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