A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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