Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
