There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
