Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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