you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
BRING THE BAGELS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
