you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
