so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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