I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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