1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
