Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
