And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
