If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
